Day 23; ¿Self Control?

Today among a group of friends I was made aware of a few habits or behavioral patterns I had that I was completely oblivious to. A few minutes into the conversation I stopped denying as it dawned on me that what I thought was normal and acceptable may just come off to other people as rude, ill mannered and bad tempered. I still find it a bit funny though, that this whole time my reality and everyone else’s contrasted so greatly without my notice.

“Speak Freely” they said. “Express yourself” they said. “Be honest” they said. And I was the idiot who took them seriously. I am blunt. To the point. Confident in speech because I am firm in my beliefs…so I don’t cut corners because its a waste of time. I wouldn’t describe myself as indifferent,but I have very low tolerance for idiocy…which happens to be a conveniently common behavioural pattern to be found in people in positions of authority. Alas, I am cursed to be labelled as another anarchist with an aversion to authority when the real problem is the fact that I have to answer to people who are intellectually incapable of doing their job and in turn make my life harder than it needs to be and then I am the one who is told to exercise ¿¿¿self control??? 

Haha, no wonder I Iaughed. I found it strange that people were okay with being walked upon and accepted it as natural progression in life. Age, size,intellectual ability, wealth. None is an excuse to be obnoxious and arrogant, and none are acceptable credentials to allow for me to accept your lack of common sense. So while I do admit that the social norms may measure my behaviour in an undesirable fashion, and maybe sometimes I do get a bit on edge (or maybe a lot), I don’t accept that I need to take anyone’s crap to get somewhere…anywhere at all in life. I don’t boast that I’m the most brilliant or the easiest to get along with, but my mere acceptance and acknowledgement of my flaws…and willingness to learn better ways from others makes me one step ahead of that daft teacher, that haughty store attendant, the obnoxious office secretary who finishes exactly everything she’s doing before acknowledging your existence and basically anyone who is in error and refuses to accept correction, or can do something for you and holds it over you as if they are Jesus himself.

I must say thank you to those friends who helped me see how ridiculous my actions are. I hope they know that they saved my life, and with my new outlook on life I will go out into the world tomorrow and try to be a better person, and pardon those whose stupidity claws at the innermost regions of my soul and make it unbearable for me to exist in their presence. I will exercise the alien phenomenon they call “self control”.

*N.B. Please spare your children the frightening fate I have experienced and do not teach them about “freedom of expression” and “the right to an opinion” for fear of ending up with unbearably outspoken teenagers who are insufferably forthright. I have no filter to my thoughts and have suffered greatly for this defect.

Another day in the journey,

S. Fearless


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