I’m so limited by what people expect. I can’t be happy or sad the way I want because, if you’re too much of anything, you won’t be accepted. I’m too much of everything…I laugh too loud, I cry too hard and I love too deeply. I care too much. And this is where I fall down. I think the main reason I’m saying this is because I want to express my feelings for something but it’s way too intense.
Now, everyone deals with these emotions differently, but my approach is…speak or be silent. I speak up about how I feel, fearlessly, 90% of the time. I’m a naturally confident person and that allows me to be blunt, despite what the reaction may be. This has been my defence mechanism for a while too..because lots of people are intimidated or shy away from people who are brutally honest. So naturally, when I’m silent, I’m trying to be careful. I’m silent with the people who matter most, because its so easy to lose what you love. I speak nothing of my feelings because I’m afraid the intensity and magnitude of what my heart is capable of will scare people away. I analyze again and again why I’m angry or happy before I express any feeling at all…and its terrible. Its terrible to feel something strongly and not be able to express it. It tears you up inside. And that’s why many beautiful people go crazy. Beautiful creative souls who feel amazing things, but know better than to share it with the world.
The happiness I feel is too great. The sadness and the anger are too destructive, and the love is too passionate. What does someone like me do with myself when there’s no one to share it with? Why is it that I’m not allowed to feel anything too intensely??
I want to be allowed the freedom to be me and to be loved. Don’t limit me creatively and watch the art I create.